Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Toothless and ready to go. Just 3 dollar! 3 dollar!

There's lube right there.

I don't want to. I don't have to.

You know, lam a little bit curious- How is it that a guy like you is unattached?

You asshole! You think this shit is funny?

Cookie Crisp in your bum-bumzies. I'm sorry. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Yeah, it'll be fine. We just got to find some firewood.

No! Look, I'm sorry about that, okay? I'm sorry.

TED: So, uh, basically that's it. We need a sperm donor.

No, that's his first name.

Where did they get him?

You see them two white niggas over therer

Yeah. Uh, I'm Ted,

I'm told that you have an open-door policy here at Hasbro

because we're not really working with much money.

Don't Never Losse Her

Touching me, touching you

You people are monsters.

And a piranha's a fish, just like your Balloons.

It is the same beast, just wearing a different face,

My turn assholes!

All right, fine, I will. Just stop looking at that shit, please!

When you're standing before me

Ted. How are ya?

Give him a milligram of epinephrine.

How about a location? Let's go with a location.

Crying running rob

Get the fuck out of here!

MALE NARRATOR: We are often told

She's a model. Ted, come back!

That's all I want for him.

Oh, my God! We got to celebrate!

for us to make an actual bong.

I'll get right down to it.

Well, you know, we wanted to take you out to dinner,

Hey, what's going on'? What are you doing here?

Dress up like we're into this shit and fuck with the nerds.

Yeah! How's your tongue taste in your own ass, Poindexter?

Everybody always says that about their salad.

JOHN: Hey, guys?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Most civil rights cases are, but this one has some very obvious wrinkles.

me and Teddy can totally leave the room.

Do you love your wife?

Hello? There's something happening.

I just don't want my lawyer singing frozen songs

Ew. I mean, awesome! (CHUCKLES)

I completely agree.

Ha! Fuck you. Fuck you.

Beautiful ceremony.

You don't have a license.

I just love you so much.

Tami, (SIGHS) listen. I love you.

Hey, I did my community service.

would never be walking together!

Nah, Tami-Lynn tried to sign up for Obamacare on the Internet,

TED: So do you say "Arizona State University" or do you just say "HPVU"?

Look, Sam, this is a really bad time, all right? Something happened to Ted.

He got a little wasted, so these two dudes took him out back to sober up.

Maybe we don't want you now. Shut up.

So, you think this Meighan guy is gonna help us?

Who's Supermanr Whatr

I was reluctant to bring it up because

Do you know how devastated I was?

As for complex emotions and the capacity for empathy,

Do you love Tami-Lynn?

MALE OFFICER: All units, we have a 3-17 on Maple Drive. Area units, please respond.

Aw, buddy, I love you for that.

(TED LAUGHING) Holy shit! Oh, you motherfucker!

I mean, if you ask me, we got to fight it.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I really tried everything I could to be the man that she wanted.

I'm just kidding. I'm fucking with you. Come onl

You two still not talking?

and somebody handed her a bunch of balloons

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I'm standing up for me and I'm standing up for the homos!

Uh, sir, I apologize for my 5-year-old son.

You know, I never would even have tried to adopt a dog

about every chick that throws herself at you.

Being back in that church again.

I'm not gonna remember a movie I've never seen

(CAMERA CLICKS)

RICK: Nice lunch, spaz.

TED: The offices of Charlie Hebdo.

I don't think he should want to be considered a person.

You don't mind the pot, do you?

We all agree all the time.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I feel like he might take it pro Bono.

but do you mind if I ask how old you are?

But we don't know any lawyers. All our friends make sandwiches.

who's filling in for joni mitchell? amanda hall.

take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

shall we get started?

(SINGING) Hey, you lawyer guys

Jesus! Why did you bring him here?

What the fuck did you just call me fucker

(SHOUTS) The boxing...

Cow What are you doing here?!

He'll help us. Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse...

Oh, why can't you just say please?

TED: This is the best day of my life!

CLUKR IS FUCKING STUPID WHO HAS A NONSENSE CYMBAL AND BRUD IS A FUCKING WHORE WHO HAS SHIT SKIN

Holy shit! Donny!

Like trash or a piece of poop

I swear to God, I'll kick your goddamn ass! Who was it?

Sam, you dig him, right?

Well, not because I'm a junior attorney arguing her first case.

Watch it. Jesus! Watch where you're going!

MAN: Oh, shit! Jesus! Come on!

than just a fucking pizza delivery, huh?

Shit. All right.

She was giving you the fuck-me eyes.

(SHOUTS) What the fuck?

You want to be human in the eyes of the law.

What is that? What?

All right. I'll shoot him an e-mail right now,

You were my thunder buddy for life.

(LAUGHS) I know, I just said your name.

Yeah? So are you!

WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY, TUNNER?

What, like garbage or a piece of shit?

I don't talk to pretty girls that often. Pretty women, ladies.

I don't have any papers or nothing.

Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! Unh! Aaah! Get it out! Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair!

Where do you think you are? Red Lobster? What are you doing?

and will be recognized in the terms set

Oh! Ha-ha! Motherfucker!

I would, like, kick so much ass At momin!

And America doesn't give a shit about anything.

that this stuffed doll is a person?