Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

See, most people flip the cakes.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

and then we're gonna make millions of Teds.

See, I'll Google "Grand Canyon."

Have you guys at least tried marriage therapy?

You mean ol' moon

Because that's where I went to school.

You're just buying weed, you're just buying drugs.

We got to get to Comic Con. Come on!

Boston Whore Has Seen Italian Penis

Ask me when will the day be

Okay. I'm gonna ask you a few test questions. Are you ready?

TED: Robin Williams on 9/11.

Yeah, but I bet this stuff happens a lot.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Maybe we should find someplace else. (PLAYS GUITAR)

All right, I'll help you. But we got to have a game plan.

Francesco Bernoulli Shu Todoroki Miguel Camino Jeff Gorvette Max Schnell Raoul Caroule Nigel Gearsley Carla Veloso

Tami, listen, I just wanna talk to you. Okayr

What the fuck is going on?

I mean, maybe you should check again or something, you know?

Crazy son of a bitch!

Look at this, look at this. $129 at Filene's Basement.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

I know. Come on, it's okay, though.

Very big plans.

You know why? Because he's a person.

"Dear Ted, your Chase bank account

Oh, newsflash! Malta whore has seen French doodle.

but this bear is alive.

No! (CAMERA CLICKS)

Uh, excuse me. Where's your non-jerk-off bathroom?

Really? You'd... You'd do that for me?

What did you fucking say?

Hey, Sam, how's your boring salad?

it gave me a kick in the ass.

Hey, we've been fighting right alongside you the whole way.

And, uh, I won't be followedr

What the hell is going on? Is he gonna be okay?

I have a boyfriend.

(HORN HONKS) (SCREAMS)

and sneak out with the sperm. It'll be easy!

that he was willing to give his life for yours,

I mean, we can't take this lying down, right? We got to do something.

What made you change your mind?

Krukoska IDE PO CIEBIE

You could change your relationship status from "single"

Well, when I saw what John did for you,

and vetted your personal histories,

What if I gave you a hand job outside

No further questions.

You’re covered in rejected black guy spit

Honest to God, Joy, I don't know how to fix this.

(SIGHS) I... I'm sitting here

Did you see which way they went?

They're good people.

What the hell do we do now?

and lock up minorities for no good legal reason.

No, I'm just saying. You look like you're hitting it off, you know?

You made me think you were retarded!

Oh, shit, yeah. Hold on.

Well, I was married at one point, but it just didn't work out.

You know, it really is a very special, very unique thing to be human.

(GRUNTS) I couldn't find any cans,

a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend,

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I'm a little nervous. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Where the hell's my coffee? I've been waiting for 10 minutes.

He's not cheap,

I need Shep Wild.

Who cares? Johnny lets me drive

but we all know it's an object made of copper and steel.

We don't wanna go to jail.

I don't have a driver's license, I don't pay taxes.

It's our bad luck they put him on the trial.

But you know what? Who gives a shit? Right?

Well, you know, Rick and I, we just come here as a gag.

Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! U n h! Aaah! Get it out! Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair!

Would you please press your chest?

There's no need for hostility, Mr. Bennett.

He was stable a minute ago and now he's unresponsive.

And, um, I'm wondering, what do you think

So, how did you get into this line of work? Do you just love cum?

People are trying to sleepl

As far as I'm concerned,

TED: We really appreciate your time,

Oh. Uh, no, thanks, Sam. Tami-Lynn would kill me

God, that sounds fucked up. Listen, I don't wanna die.

The court wishes to thank the jury for its service.

Nah, it's okay. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Uh, okay, why are we doing this back here?

Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! U n h Aaah get it out smack her in the head go Gill go fish in my hair

I have $40, here.

Someone's trying to steal Tom Brady's jizz again.

Yeah, I mean, do you think...

Ah! Ah! Shit, shit, shit!

Look at them. They're so happy.

Hey, hey! Big day, huh, bud?

When mom asks me to shoot a horse My turn assholes

( car alarm wailing. )

Would that be weird? Would he be freaked out if I...

Tami, listen, I just wanna talk to you. Okay?

And unfortunately, the public doesn’t judge by reason.

Yes! Oh, I love you!

You son of a bitch! This is kidnapping!

I rest. We could totally be lawyers.

Well, then, what's the "F" stand for?

Hey, hey! Maybe we get one of them Harrison Ford lawyers

I fucking love this place.

Ted, can I see you for a moment?

(SCOFFS) Now, come on!

sued to prove that he was a person and not a piece of property.

So what do you say? We all good?

for purchasing marijuana in 2003?

That's great! That's fucking great!

Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitchl

And I know who my friends are.

Yeah, I want it! You know I want it, but I'm nervous.

I would prefer that you do.

When the gym machine is available

Hasbro would double its profits overnight.

Especially that song they sing at the Red Sox games.

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Oh, we're betting on you.

I certainly do.

Fuck, that's a big one.

Nobody's in there to look at your ass!

No, don't start this shit, all rightr

Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip.

There you go! Nice job!

Yeah, can I help you?