Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Trish: 300 black ops Bob: It’s actually black out

(80s POP SONG PLAYING)

on tuesday nights we get fucked up and throw apples at joggers

The monitor says he's in asystole. He's not breathing, no pulse.

That's cute when you're a stuffed animal.

(BREATHING SHAKILY) Kunta. Kunta Kinte.

Hey, it's okay. One foot in front of the other.

(TEDAS NIURZGA)

Oh, my God. John! Johnny!

This court is trying to tell me

TED: Oh, God! Ahhh!

Kidnapping only applies to people. And you, Ted, you're property.

So I keep on knockin' wood

Johnny, wake up!

Hello? You're dicks.

Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go!

Now, what exactly do you want from this?

With tears in your eyes

JOHN: Yeah, that's what babies do, Teddy.

What the fuck did you just call me fucker

No. Not at all.

TED: Oh, you don't think this diaper's gross? JOHN: No.

Mr. Jessup, I'm not interested in money.

(5161-15) It's okay. I just wish he wasn't so goddamn cute.

He's way more of a person than lots of other people.

Sam Jones would say if I asked him?

You can't do that!

I mean, Tami's the woman I love.

Oh, well, that's a good friend. Yeah.

Why the hell would it be "Fuck"?

I put a frowny face on Facebook!

But if we suddenly decide to share that gift,

Hey, Doc, it worked out hilarious. Thanks.

"your marriage to Tami-Lynn McCafferty is unrecognized by the state

Then why are you calling it a "he"?

Oh, we're gonna smoke it, all right,

and give Sam and Diane here some alone time, eh?

He did it! Yay!

This is where we perform our pre-implantation genetic diagnosis.

Why am I nervous? Um...

BJs here! Get your BJs! Get your red-hot BJs!

And while I'm sympathetic to your cause,

Um, my uncle says that you guys are my first clients.

What are the fuck-me eyes?

The state official I spoke to said

I got to get some parts, for the billing.

You see them two white niggas over there?

Hey, you shut the fuck up!

Nah, Tami-Lynn tried to sign up for Obamacare on the lnternet,

No, it doesn't. It's just friction.

Johnny, wake up!

ron desantis on his way to the white house

To shine upon me as I come undone

When I'm asking how they became a "fitness model"...

is even close to Flash Gordon's.

You are meddling with powers you do not understand.

He said he'll meet with us on Friday at 9:00 a.m.

Hey, if you guys want to bang,

I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.

Are you gonna let me finish talking?

Objection! Sustained!

Wait, wait, wait. How... How... How do you guys...

Did you write your dissertation

not to be a footnote on the wrong side of history.

I mean, how the hell do you take

Ted, in the eyes of the state, you are not a person.

Oh, is it bad that they're taking this long?

But I think you'll be impressed with my client.

Who the hell are you?

You know? I always wanted my ex-wife

they'd just be two sad-ass white niggas

I mean, doesn't your insurance cover that or something?

Hi, I'm calling for Patrick Meighan. This is Samantha Jackson.

No, yeah, we want you. For sure, we want you.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

that his teddy bear would come to life.

No can do, my brother.

All right. Now, let's get rid of this.

https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?p=328365#p328365

at the fact that I'm representing a teddy bear.

it'll teach us how to love each other again.

(SINGING) Mean ol' moon

Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off...

(CAMERA CLICKING) TED: Hashtag "Shit happens."

He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a stroller

Yeah! I'm fine.

She gets... You get it.

...that is gonna be... Fresh cakes.

I really love that Neil Diamond.

No, forget it, buddy.

block.note_block.imitate.ender_dragon

Yeah, why don't you come up here

Teacher! Aah! Aah! Get It Out!

How about this? I'm gonna go check out the barn

Jesus, what happened here?

Agnes, sweetie, look out!

Well, I have gone through your application

(SOFTLY) Just calm down.

I got no job, no marriage and no life!

Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick.

Ted, I've been reviewing your file.

It's the least I can do with all you're doing for us. Really.

Crikey! All the animals have gone mad!

And is that enforced by lawr

No, I think he'd be flattered!

I Hate Kazar Death (Laughing) (Laughing)

That was really selfish of him.

See, the important thing about being human

Your Honor? I'll allow it.

I'm not a person?

Come on, one drink and I promise I won't tell anybody

I won second prize in a beauty contest. That's $50 right there.

ChEEzbOrger: Fuck!

We're gonna figure out what makes you real,

And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,

why did you not choose to have a child of your own?

cuando ves la compu de tu amigo Nooo mames

Listen, your case is not gonna be cheap.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

And I swear to God, if we lose,

Yeah, we really feel like you got a lot to offer.

I have a boyfriend

No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms.

I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?

I saw what you did on TV.

And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?

No it’s gotta be the Catholic thing

TED: Germanwings cockpit.

You do it to yourself. Yeah, but that's different.

JOHN: Nobody said "Starbucks."

Oh, God, yeah. It was a frigging disaster.

and Brown v. the Board of Education.

(EXCLAIMS) (KISSES)

And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer,

And for what it's worth, as far as I'm concerned,

He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch.

last summer called "Here Comes Autism."

Mr. Meighan. What the hell?