Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You know? I always wanted my ex-wife

Johnny, wake up!

I mean, doesn't your insurance cover that or something?

they'd just be two sad-ass white niggas

(80s POP SONG PLAYING)

No, it doesn't. It's just friction.

And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?

JOHN: Nobody said "Starbucks."

Oh, is it bad that they're taking this long?

why did you not choose to have a child of your own?

But I think you'll be impressed with my client.

See, the important thing about being human

cuando ves la compu de tu amigo Nooo mames

With tears in your eyes

not to be a footnote on the wrong side of history.

I got to get some parts, for the billing.

No. Not at all.

(SINGING) Mean ol' moon

I have a boyfriend

(EXCLAIMS) (KISSES)

and Brown v. the Board of Education.

https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?p=328365#p328365

Trish: 300 black ops Bob: It’s actually black out

Objection! Sustained!

I mean, how the hell do you take

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Ted, I've been reviewing your file.

(BREATHING SHAKILY) Kunta. Kunta Kinte.

Oh, God, yeah. It was a frigging disaster.

Did you write your dissertation

I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?

Hello? You're dicks.

I really love that Neil Diamond.

And I swear to God, if we lose,

TED: Oh, God! Ahhh!

Mr. Meighan. What the hell?

That was really selfish of him.

Now, what exactly do you want from this?

He said he'll meet with us on Friday at 9:00 a.m.

She gets... You get it.

To shine upon me as I come undone

is even close to Flash Gordon's.

Mr. Jessup, I'm not interested in money.

JOHN: Yeah, that's what babies do, Teddy.

Hey, you shut the fuck up!

TED: Oh, you don't think this diaper's gross? JOHN: No.

Why the hell would it be "Fuck"?

Yeah! I'm fine.

The monitor says he's in asystole. He's not breathing, no pulse.

But if we suddenly decide to share that gift,

No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms.

I mean, Tami's the woman I love.

that his teddy bear would come to life.

Yeah, we really feel like you got a lot to offer.

How about this? I'm gonna go check out the barn

TED: Germanwings cockpit.

Oh, my God. John! Johnny!

He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch.

Wait, wait, wait. How... How... How do you guys...

Why am I nervous? Um...

Your Honor? I'll allow it.

Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off...

(CAMERA CLICKING) TED: Hashtag "Shit happens."

Well, I have gone through your application

That's cute when you're a stuffed animal.

The state official I spoke to said

Um, my uncle says that you guys are my first clients.

And for what it's worth, as far as I'm concerned,

last summer called "Here Comes Autism."

When I'm asking how they became a "fitness model"...

on tuesday nights we get fucked up and throw apples at joggers

We're gonna figure out what makes you real,

Hey, if you guys want to bang,

You are meddling with powers you do not understand.

(SOFTLY) Just calm down.

You see them two white niggas over there?

All right. Now, let's get rid of this.

Jesus, what happened here?

Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick.

No can do, my brother.

No, yeah, we want you. For sure, we want you.

He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a stroller

And while I'm sympathetic to your cause,

(TEDAS NIURZGA)

I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.

Then why are you calling it a "he"?

Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go!

Johnny, wake up!

Ted, in the eyes of the state, you are not a person.

Come on, one drink and I promise I won't tell anybody

You can't do that!

Listen, your case is not gonna be cheap.

ron desantis on his way to the white house

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

"your marriage to Tami-Lynn McCafferty is unrecognized by the state

I put a frowny face on Facebook!

No it’s gotta be the Catholic thing

Agnes, sweetie, look out!

What the fuck did you just call me fucker

ChEEzbOrger: Fuck!

(5161-15) It's okay. I just wish he wasn't so goddamn cute.

And is that enforced by lawr

This is where we perform our pre-implantation genetic diagnosis.

Are you gonna let me finish talking?

I'm not a person?

and give Sam and Diane here some alone time, eh?

You do it to yourself. Yeah, but that's different.

Hi, I'm calling for Patrick Meighan. This is Samantha Jackson.

Crikey! All the animals have gone mad!

Kidnapping only applies to people. And you, Ted, you're property.

He did it! Yay!

BJs here! Get your BJs! Get your red-hot BJs!

I won second prize in a beauty contest. That's $50 right there.

So I keep on knockin' wood

Sam Jones would say if I asked him?

Hey, it's okay. One foot in front of the other.

I got no job, no marriage and no life!

It's the least I can do with all you're doing for us. Really.

No, forget it, buddy.

Hey, Doc, it worked out hilarious. Thanks.

Yeah, why don't you come up here

This court is trying to tell me

at the fact that I'm representing a teddy bear.

He's way more of a person than lots of other people.

And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,

Oh, we're gonna smoke it, all right,

block.note_block.imitate.ender_dragon

I Hate Kazar Death (Laughing) (Laughing)

Oh, well, that's a good friend. Yeah.

Nah, Tami-Lynn tried to sign up for Obamacare on the lnternet,

...that is gonna be... Fresh cakes.

I saw what you did on TV.

No, I think he'd be flattered!

it'll teach us how to love each other again.

What are the fuck-me eyes?

And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer,

Who the hell are you?

Teacher! Aah! Aah! Get It Out!