Health Inspector 2000 - Get a Life [S02E04]

However, we have decided that any industry that would hire you is in dire need of investigating.

God bless you.

You idiots, use that gray yucky stuff inside your shell of a head thing there.

Don't turn on the light.

You know, sometimes when the light hits one of those Conair hair dryers just right, they look like a snub-nosed 37 with pearl handle and mahogany trim.

Before we begin, I'll have to be granted total immunity from all my past evil deeds and have your absolute guarantee that I can live in luxury and protection for the rest of my life or 30,000 miles, whichever comes first.

See this imported silk shirt?

If you change your mind, signal me by standing on your front lawn with a small dog strapped to your face while singing Mr. Bojangles in a high voice.

Hey, who are you?

I prefer to think of it as extortion.

Geez, what a horrible insult.

No hard feelings, Gus?

I have to testify.

Well, what about this?

No, no, no.

They live and breathe this kind of stuff.

Listen, kid, I'm giving you a chance to save yourself before you get in too deep.

Well, then it's about time that they hired somebody with a burning desire to put their face up close to food and say, hey, what's in there?

Your snakes are probably hungry.

This is my food inspector outfit.

Like a little rat bastard canary, huh?

Either that or they're lovers.

It's only for food handlers, food and food inspectors.

Does anybody else feel it?

I wanted flames painted on my bike.